Continued

2. Small successes are okay.

We often have high expectations for quick change, but small steps is progress worth celebrating, too. Remember, implosive kids are more prone to expect perfection from themselves and be very self-critical when they fall short. They don’t need parents coming down hard on them because they are already hard on themselves. These kids need to hear and understand that no one is perfect and that it’s okay.

Teach them that we all have strengths and weaknesses, and that no one gets everything right all the time. What matters is that we keep showing up and doing our best. Give gentle nudges and lots of support, and always celebrate the small successes.

3. Use educated guesses if the child says, “I don’t know.”

If you get “I don’t know” when you ask the “what” questions described in principle 1, just do your best to make an educated guess. It’s likely your child doesn’t actually know what the problem is, or that he or she doesn’t have the ability to put those feelings into words.

When you make an educated guess and try to problem-solve, this models to your child how to do it and gives her information she can use in the future when trying to identify and solve a problem.

4. Try temporary solutions and be patient.

When problem-solving, it’s best for the child to come up with suggested solutions. Give her time to think about it and to make a suggestion, and withhold your judgment about the solution she suggests. Give it a try so that she can see the outcome to her own ideas. If she truly cannot come up with any ideas, you can offer your own ideas as a last resort, but keep in mind that implosive children may need more encouragement to voice her ideas.

Finally, be open to her feedback about the ideas you suggest. Don’t take her feedback personally but rather brainstorm other ideas together. Through this, she will learn how to brainstorm and not take the rejection of an idea personally because this is what you’ve modeled to her. If the solution suggested doesn’t work, go back to square one and keep trying!

For more positive parenting advice, check out these great resources! 

Rebecca Eanes is the bestselling author of multiple books including Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide, The Positive Parenting Workbook, and The Gift of a Happy Mother. She is the grateful mom of two boys.