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The second step in self-discipline is to effectively reprogram your brain. This may sound daunting or even impossible, but it can be done. You do this both by taking a look at your thought patterns and working to change those which make you feel fear, panic, overwhelm – any that cause a negative mindset and negative reactions. Our thoughts create physical changes in our bodies, and what we think can either calm us or agitate us, and it really is in our control. Every time you replace a negative or self-limiting thought with a positive or empowering thought, you are making new neural connections in the brain – essentially rewiring yourself to be calmer, more empathetic, more positive – more like the parent you want to be! This is really the key to emotional intelligence – understanding your emotions and dealing with them in a constructive rather than destructive way.

The third step is to take charge of your everyday mindset. This means that you decide what kind of parent you want to be. You see the best in your child – even when the behavior their presenting isn’t their best behavior. You understand that all behavior is communication because when you see it that way, you don’t get triggered by the disrespect or frustration or whatever your child is exhibiting on the outside. You can see that what your child needs is connection, help, skills, and self-discipline, so you are no longer impulsively reacting to your child’s behavior but are thoughtfully responding to it.

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The final step is to be an intentional parent. Have a plan for how you will handle certain behaviors. Have a plan for the environment and family culture you want to create. Be intentional about connecting with your child. Take charge of the legacy you are building and set very specific goals for yourself and your family. This will help you feel focused, purposeful, and ready to tackle challenges because you aren’t just making it up as you go along but you are disciplined and prepared.

What we model is the greatest teacher to our children, for better or worse. We can show them how to be self-disciplined by practicing it every day in our homes.

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Join me on May 1^st at the Positive Parenting Conference! I’ll be speaking about solution-oriented discipline along with 19 other speakers over the course of 10 days who will all help you take a step closer to becoming the parent you want to be.

Rebecca Eanes is the bestselling author of multiple books including Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide, The Positive Parenting Workbook, and The Gift of a Happy Mother. She is the grateful mom of two boys.