Positive discipline is fairly straightforward when parenting toddlers and preschoolers, but the ground feels a little shakier when you’re disciplining a pre-teen. When children are little, positive parents focus on helping children learn about emotions and manage them through using time-ins, calming corners, and peace tables, but what happens when kids outgrow the calming corner? How can you positively discipline a pre-teen who deliberately breaks the rules or exhibits poor behavior?
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Grounding seems to be the traditional discipline of choice for this age group. Parents often also send kids to their room, a big-kid version of time-out. However, neither of these options are in line with the principles of positive parenting as both are forms of punishment, and to be frank, losing a day of electronic privileges isn’t likely to improve a child’s attitude or abilities. If anything, these tactics further frustrate children, causing yet more behavioral problems to arise.
If your pre-teen is frequently defiant for has a negative attitude toward you, this is a red flag that your relationship is in trouble. Children who feel a positive bond with their parent are typically respectful and cooperative, and your only hope of influence as your child moves through these and the teen years is a strong, positive relationship.
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To develop or strengthen a positive relationship: