Creative Child

Building Secure Attachment at Any Age

by Rebecca Eanes


  1. Give full, focused attention without distractions. Be present in the moment. Too many conversations these days take place while someone is staring into a device, but it’s not only our smartphones and gadgets that pull us away. How often do you half-listen to your child as you continue to do your mountain-sized list of chores or while your mind wanders elsewhere? Nothing communicates you matter to me quite like full, focused attention. You matter more than my Facebook feed, more than this pile of laundry, more than that Netflix show I want to watch as soon as you’re finally in bed! Make a point to give each child your full presence and attention for some time each day, and watch your bond grow.
  2. Provide lots of positive attention – talking, laughing, play, and cuddles. A good chunk of the time we spend with children is in giving negative attention such as correction or directives. “Don’t do that.” “You have 5 more minutes.” “Get ready for bed.” “Do your homework.” “Clean your room.” These things are necessary, of course, but let’s make sure we give them a good chunk of positive attention or else they will draw away from us. I recently heard Betty White say in an interview that she loved being in her parents’ company more than her friends’ because they were often laughing and having a good time. It’s where she got her sense of humor! To build strong and secure bonds, make sure you enjoy your children’s company and that they enjoy yours.
Rebecca Eanes, is the founder of and creator of Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond. She is the bestselling author of 3 books. Her newest book,Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide, is more than a parenting book, it's a guide to human connection. She has also written The Newbie's Guide to Positive Parentingand co-authored the book, Positive Parenting in Action: The How-To Guide to Putting Positive Parenting Principles in Action in Early ChildhoodShe is the grateful mother to 2 boys.


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