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We give them the responsibility, within reason (taking into account age and development) to correct themselves and make amends if needed. Sometimes a consequence may be part of the solution when disciplining children. As long as it relates to the problem and is aimed at teaching rather than hurting, consequences can be helpful. This differs from punishment which is just aimed at making the child feel bad for misbehaving.

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Permissive parenting disregards all off-track behavior. Traditional parenting punishes off-track behavior so that the child knows he or she did wrong. Positive parenting addresses the problem behavior and goes a step further to provide the child with knowledge and skills needed for better future behavior. Until we give them the tools and skills they need to improve, we can’t expect them to do better.

Much important work in positive parenting happens outside of behavior training, however. It is in the tender moments spent holding our children, offering affirming words, and showing our belief in their goodness and abilities that the true bond is forged. It is within becoming emotionally intelligent ourselves and managing our own moods, attitudes, and actions that they see and follow the example we provide.

It is the family culture we cultivate, the atmosphere we create, the routines and rhythms of our homes, and the relationships we hold dear that all come together to form the childhood in which our young ones are shaped and grown. Parenting, after all, is about so much more than disciplining children.

Rebecca Eanes is the bestselling author of multiple books including Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide, The Positive Parenting Workbook, and The Gift of a Happy Mother. She is the grateful mom of two boys.