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Perhaps most importantly, we must adjust our expectations of what it means to be a good wife, husband, mom, dad, and human being. We need to set realistic standards for ourselves. We are constantly striving to be the perfect parent who successfully juggles all the things, and that’s why we are burning out.  The more we strive for perfection, the more we realize we cannot reach it. It stresses us out and makes us feel like we can never measure up. As Diana Spalding says in her piece on Motherly titled “Self-Care is Not Enough to Fix How Much Moms are Burnt Out, “It’s time that we stop telling moms that a simple act of self-care will undo the years of culture-induced overwhelm that is causing us all to burn out.” You don’t need an extra glass of wine, you need to reject the ideologies that are crushing your spirit. 

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The kind of self-care that will end your burnout is big and bold because it will require you to stop swimming with the current. You’ll have to embrace your messiness. True self-care asks you to make tough decisions about what belongs in your life and what doesn’t, about what gives you joy and what takes it away, and about what feeds your soul and what depletes it. You’ll need to make conscious choices and take intentional steps toward creating your own beautiful world, and I know that is so much more daunting than a mani-pedi, but the end result is a life that excites you rather than drains you, and there’s no need to escape to the bathroom from that. 

Rebecca Eanes is the bestselling author of multiple books including Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide, The Positive Parenting Workbook, and The Gift of a Happy Mother. She is the grateful mom of two boys.