Connection and Lack of Skills

Reason #4: Connection

A strong connection is what gives us influence with our children. If that connection is strained, they are more likely to misbehave. Even if your bond has taken a downward turn and your child is acting out, you can stop the bad behavior. 

Here are some ways you can stop the misbehavior and strengthen your relationship:

1. Make sure you’re speaking your child’s love language.

Their particular love language is what fills their tanks the fastest. Ensuring that your child feels deeply loved, speaking their language, will help your connection flourish.

2. Make time for play.

Go into their world for a while and let them direct the play. This kind of focused attention builds connection fast.

3. Find reasons to laugh together.

Watch a funny movie, tell jokes, dress up in goofy costumes, or play a silly game. Laughter brings us closer together and helps dissipate any negative feelings we may be carrying.

4. Check out these resources for other ways to connect with your children:

• 10 Ways to Connect With Your Child
• Communicating Positively With Children
• Playful Parenting

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Reason #5: Lack of Skills

Often misbehavior isn’t calculated defiance so much as it’s a simple lack of skills. A child may not do his homework because he’s struggling in that subject, or she may back talk because she lacks positive communication skills.

The obvious solution here is to teach the needed skills so they can do better.

1. Teach positive communication so that your child can express himself appropriately.

2. Teach emotions regulation so that she can effectively deal with her feelings.

3. Use visual charts to help your child get through daily routines and activities.

For example, paste photos of the steps of the bedtime routine in order on a poster board and hang it in the child’s room.

4. If your child refuses to complete a task you know he is capable of completing, perhaps he feels inadequate or he feels a lot of pressure because he’s a perfectionist. Convey that it’s okay to make mistakes, and that trying is more important than getting it perfect.

5. Try breaking the task up into smaller steps.

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